Bodega Blues

The cat food supply was running low so I ventured down to my local bodega to replenish it. (Okay, it isn’t a bodega, it is the only grocery store in my little Ohio village, bodega just sounds cooler).

As I was rounding the corner into the kitty vittles aisle I glanced over at the looming vacancies further beyond. I began to hallucinate. Had someone spiked my celery juice with mescaline?! Sweet Jesus, there were two lonely packages of toilet paper just sitting there on the bottom shelf. All the paper towels were gone. I had not seen any toilet paper for sale there since long before Donald Trump declared this current pandemic to be a big FAT FAKE NEWS HOAX!

Very slowly and stealthily I approached the packages. They were Cottonelle. I kept waiting for this shimmering mirage to suddenly vanish. Nobody else was in that aisle. Then I thought; someone is surely going to come sprinting down here and grab them before I could. But that didn’t happen. I walked up and picked up a package. I never considered taking both of them. I’m not that sort of person.

For a moment I thought about waiting there to observe the next person who happened upon this exotic luxury. I wanted to film a documentary of it. I wanted to record their unbridled joy at finding this rare product. But then I thought; no, they would probably grumble that it was the only one left. They would probably act pissed off that they could only get the one. So I walked away with my booty.

It was a day late but that was still my Easter miracle. It sure beat finding the bunny head yesterday out in my front yard.